Day 5 Post Op: Living Life in the Slow Lane
They say I should be able to drive again soon. Which sounds great, until you remember that driving isn’t just about pressing pedals and turning a wheel — it’s also about wrangling three kids into the car like you’re loading cargo onto a plane. And that’s where my “5 kg lifting limit” really starts to feel like the universe is trolling me.
Take my two-year-old, for example. She’s a gorgeous little 11 kg fireball who insists on being carried like royalty into her middle car seat. Pre-surgery, it was already a workout. Post-surgery? That’s not a baby anymore — that’s a Bunnings-bag-of-concrete.
So yeah, technically I can drive. But practically? Unless someone invents a forklift that fits in a Kia Carnival, I’m out of luck.
The McDonald’s Drive-Thru Dilemma
Friends keep asking what I’ll do first when I’m back behind the wheel. Some imagine me cruising, windows down, freedom in the air. Me? I just want a Macca's run.
The problem is, even that’s a stretch. Literally. Have you ever leaned half your body out of the window to grab a Happy Meal bag while your stomach muscles are on strike? That nugget happy meal might as well be dangling from the moon. Forget the Olympics — post-hernia-surgery McDonald’s drive-thru should be its own enduro event.
School Bag Woes
And then there’s school. You’d think helping your kids with their school bags would be a simple dad task. But apparently those bags are designed to hold not just homework, but also rocks, spare planets, and possibly a black hole. My six-year-old casually swings it onto his back like Thor with a hammer, while I stand there wondering if I can ask a neighbour to lift it for me.
For now, my strategy is motivational coaching from the sidelines. “You got this, buddy! Engage your core! Remember to bend your knees!” Which is rich, coming from the guy who currently can’t bend at all.
Truth Hurts (Literally)
So yes, I’ll be back on the road soon. But let’s be honest: unless someone designs a hernia-friendly car with a built-in child loader, bag crane, and fast-food conveyor belt, I might just stay parked in the driveway and call it “healing.”
The Hernia Diaries: Sit-ups were a mistake.
About the Author:
Rob Allen is a graphic designer, dad of three under six, and unwilling hernia expert. When he’s not juggling deadlines or nappies, he’s writing The Hernia Diaries from the couch — one ice pack and stool softener at a time.
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