Almost six weeks post-op, and recently I found myself back on the cold ultrasound table. The verdict? “It may or may not be a seroma. Or maybe a hematoma. Or possibly just… a marble in the space where the hernia used to be.”
Translation: “We don’t really know — so let’s just wait another four weeks and see what happens.”
The Classic Aussie Diagnosis
It’s the medical equivalent of that classic Aussie line: “She’ll be right, mate.” Except this time it comes with a follow-up appointment. On one hand, it’s reassuring — they don’t think it’s serious. On the other, it’s frustrating — because I’m stuck in limbo-land, poking at this lump every morning like I’m testing an avocado in Woolies — too soft, too hard, never just right.
Bluey Spin: The “Check Back” Episode
If Bluey wrote this episode, it would be called “Check Back Dad.” Dad goes for his ultrasound, the doctor shrugs and says, “Maybe a seroma, maybe a marble, maybe a third testicle — check back in four weeks.” Cue the kids making up their own games about Dad’s “magic marble.”
Bingo would try to trade it for one of her toy shop trinkets, Bluey would invent a whole story about it being a secret treasure, and Bandit would roll his eyes and say, “Four weeks? You’ll be right.”
The Dad Point of Hue
As a designer, I can’t help but compare it to client revisions:
- “Is this the final version?”
- “Maybe. But let’s wait and see.”
- “Should we sign it off?”
- “Not yet, come back in four weeks.”
Sound familiar? It’s like being stuck in feedback purgatory, except the project is my body.
The Silver Lining
So here I am: not in pain, but not in the clear. Not fixed, but not broken either. Just waiting. And if there’s one thing parenthood and hernia recovery have both taught me, it’s this: sometimes the only option is to laugh, breathe, and accept the “you’ll be right, but check back in four weeks” plan.
Because honestly, what else can you do?
The Hernia Diaries: Sit-ups were a mistake.
About the Author:
Rob Allen is a graphic designer, dad of three under six, and unwilling hernia expert. When he’s not juggling deadlines or nappies, he’s writing The Hernia Diaries from the couch — one ice pack and stool softener at a time.
Add comment
Comments